I read a post by my cousin entitled Marrying Mr. Right. I know that a lot of women wanted that “ideal” kind of married life and some are still caught up searching for their Mr. Right. Well, just want to share my thoughts and opinion about it, so read on.
I know exactly what you feel. I had been through "failed" relationships before. Yeah, that's how we would call it if it did not end up with wedding bells and a white gown! Well, now I realize it never happened because it is not meant to happen. There’s a reason behind it, there’s a reason for everything. So instead, I turned my regrets to thankfulness. I learned to be stronger, wiser, and more practical and believe me – grounded and real. We were raised in a world of fairytale. That married life should be merry and prosperous- materially, all skin deep type of happiness. I remember hearing a terrible (now I know it was terrible!) thing from somebody in the family that money and beauty (in order) are the only things that will make people happy, therefore I should look for a rich partner (ok lang if not good looking, that’s why I said “in order” above)! I know you know what I mean. You probably must have heard it too. We might not totally agree with it and take that advice but it was in our subconscious growing up and has influenced our beliefs and choices in life one way or another, without focusing on the enrichment of our moral values and sound and healthy being.
I used to have a very low self esteem before I knew who I am in Jesus. Though I was successful in covering it up with playing a role – projected a strong personality, paid so much attention on my looks, was cool, climbed up the corporate ladder in a breeze, surrounded myself with branded things --- all decorated and orderly life. Yet, when I was all alone , I still felt fed up, sad and empty. It was because I depended on other people to make me feel good about myself, to validate how good I am, how beautiful I am, how much I am wanted, how much I am needed. Otherwise, I would feel dumb and ugly and disregarded. Oftentimes when we don’t get what we wanted in life from them (our spouse, partner) i.e. good life, comfort, praises, a house perhaps, material things, or like you said “a pedestal”, we think it is so unfair to us and we feel shortchanged! Then it will lead us to thinking, “Did I marry the right person?” , “Am I in the right kind of relationship?” or “Where is my Mr. Right?.
Like you, I have also asked myself those questions. I turned to God in search for the right answers. Then it dawned on me, SELF AWARENESS is the key to ALL kinds of relationship to be successful. Knowing yourself, knowing who you are, knowing what you want in life is the key toward an Empowered Relationship. I believe that we are smarter now realizing that physical beauty and money are not the only things that matter and are not the SOURCE of genuine HAPPINESS. (There is more to life than going to school, working, paying bills, partying. There's just MORE!). The first step to SELF AWARENESS is to accept the fact that there is no such thing or person as “PERFECT” in this world, only God is. We are all created flawed and blemished therefore, what right have I got to demand myself to be perfect nor demand my spouse to be perfect? None. God is the ONLY One Who can make us Perfect and Complete. If you will continue to look for the "role" of Mr. Right in your spouse, you will never find one. And when you don’t, you will get frustrated again, you will ask the same questions, and the cycle goes on and on. Don't try to make your spouse fit into the "role" that you want him to play for you. So ask yourself this: “Am I in love with WHO my spouse is?" or Am I in love with the ROLE he plays? Then this: “What roles do I play?” What and Who do I live for?” Settle these issues within yourself first, then you will stop searching for Mr. Right.
